I. Love. South. Africa.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Life.
Greetings from South Africa!!
Before I forget…I want to update everyone on Dear Panama…I want you
all to know that we haven’t just forgotten about it. We didn’t just
leaving Panama having done our part and feeling good about ourselves.
Our hearts are still very much in Panama with those children and with
Matt and Misty and their ministry. We are keeping in touch with them
and supporting them in prayer. They are very busy at the time with
their new job in the government building, but they are still working
on getting the book published and passed out. I will keep you updated
when I know more.
As for my life here…
It is interesting. I have talked about the contrasts here…haven’t I?
It is very peculiar. You walk down the street and see rich white
people and poor black people not so much as exchanging glances…it is
sorta unnerving. I often feel on edge and strange. I get begged for
food or money on a daily basis, something I have learned to turn my
cheek to and ignore. How should I feel about that? I mean, really, I
wish I could give to every hungry kid, every desperate mother, every
ashamed father. But I cannot, it just is not realistic, is it? It
breaks my heart little by little. Because I know God loves each and
every one of them.
So in that way, it is oppressive being here.
Rich, poor.
Black, white.
Smiles, scowls.
Tears, laughter.
Danger, safety.
Every day I see them all, its like a warm and cold wind hitting me in
the face simultaneously, which is an ironic metaphor considering its
windy here all the time anyhow.
So really I love it and I hate it here. I love the warm. I hate the
cold. I hate the warm. I love the cold. It is all so confusing.
Anyhoo. I am done trying to explain myself in a poetic way. It is not happening.
So I will get on with it.
A day in my life besides all that. I wake up, eat breakfast, and go to
class in the living room of the beautiful house we have been blessed
to live in. We start the day of worshipping or praying together...or
both. Then we learn, about photography, and the culture of South
Africa, about God’s heart for the people of the world.
Then we have lunch and the rest of the day is ours for ministry. This
is all pretty general….there is a lot more to my life…but this is the
easiest way to explain it, because frankly I am jumping at the
opportunity for simplicity right now.
Every Monday evening we have a prayer vigil in the local township
Capricorn. This place is about a 10 minute walk away. Oh I feel
another poetic streak coming on…
It is insane. I walk out my door and see huge (by African standards)
houses everywhere, with large gates and fences, guarded by spikes,
barbed wire, electric fencing. I walk by a high school. I walk by a
park. It all looks pretty normal (minus the security). Then I cross a
main road. I see a cemetery. I walk past it, and I see a shopping
center. A McDonalds. A grocery store, some quaint shops. I walk past
those…and there it is. Endless houses stacked on top of each other.
Tin roofs, trash littered in every gutter. Children in filthy and torn
clothes, shivering against the setting sun. Boys with harsh looks, way
too mature for their age. The danger sends shivers up my spine,
and poverty stings my nostrils. I cannot show this of course. I act
normal, confident. I smile at the children as if this lifestyle is
totally normal. This is the Africa I remember.
I don’t judge them, I love them. I don’t assume they are unhappy or
dangerous, I assume the best of them. It is the things that I have
heard that run through my mind. The prejudices that are still left
over from the Apartheid that only ended a mere 15 years ago.
Its the old white woman that stops me on the way to Capricorn to ask
me if I know where I am going, and that its dangerous. She would never
come within 100 meters of a township. EVER. It just isn’t possible for
her. Because of how she has been raised.
It’s the boy who begs me for
bread. He is so hungry, he tells me. I could just get him a hot
chocolate? he asks.
It’s the young concerned mother who tells me to keep my money tucked
away somewhere safe. That this isn’t America.
It is the tiny child who clutches to me and tells me not the walk home
from Capricorn after dark, it is not safe. Just stay here with him
tonight, keep him warm. Oh how I wish I could.
It is when they ask me for something, anything to make their lives a
little better. I feel helpless. But at the very least I can pray.
Our prayer vigils have been amazing. A chance to meet people in
Capricorn, to pray for them. To open up our arms and raise up prayers
to the God that loves us so much that he would send His only Son to
die for us. That He would pour out His love and mercy in this place.
That His love would spread like the air stirred by a butterfly’s wing,
picking up speed and momentum until everyone in Capricorn could feel
and know His love, and from there all of South African would cry out
His Holy Name.
It has been a blessing to pray for Capricorn.
As far as other ministries. A man named Clinton has lived in South
Africa all his life and is from Capricorn. He lives in Muizenberg now
and is actually dating a girl who was on my DTS. She came here for
outreach instead of Panama with a whole group from my DTS, and so she
and Clinton have continued on Bible studies started during the
outreach phase. There are Bible studies every day of the week, and
many people eager in Capricorn to join in. They have great turn out.
There are so many that want to join in that they need more leaders. My
friend Kristin and I are looking into starting our own Bible study or
some other sort of ministry in Capricorn twice a week. Even if it
doesn’t become official many of us love to go into the township during
the week to meet people and hear their stories, ministering to them
when God prompts us. That at the moment makes the entire experience
worth it. Meeting the people that God loves very much.
There are other ministry opportunites at the highschool and in an
orphanage that I may get involved in. My leader Steve is also looking
into other ways to plug in.
We have been learning about empowering people through our photography. I believe it is valid to believe this is possible. People who are marginalized have a lost a sense of being. The DO life, they exist, but they dont live. Thrive. They have lost purpose. People in Capricorn often ask me to take their photo. I have learned that they want it because when they see their photo, it proves they are a person who is real. They exist, and they are living. All I must do is care for them, love them, tell them that God loves them. This is this ministry track is about. Using our photography to empower people. Show them they have real VALUE. More on this later....
I would appreciate prayer that God would show me what ministries to
get involved in for the rest of my stay here in beautiful Cape Town.
That he would show me where He wants to use me, and that I would be
open to it and I would thrive in His plan and His love.
Thank you for your love, support, prayers.
I am thinking of home and missing it often.
And you too.
<3>
Before I forget…I want to update everyone on Dear Panama…I want you
all to know that we haven’t just forgotten about it. We didn’t just
leaving Panama having done our part and feeling good about ourselves.
Our hearts are still very much in Panama with those children and with
Matt and Misty and their ministry. We are keeping in touch with them
and supporting them in prayer. They are very busy at the time with
their new job in the government building, but they are still working
on getting the book published and passed out. I will keep you updated
when I know more.
As for my life here…
It is interesting. I have talked about the contrasts here…haven’t I?
It is very peculiar. You walk down the street and see rich white
people and poor black people not so much as exchanging glances…it is
sorta unnerving. I often feel on edge and strange. I get begged for
food or money on a daily basis, something I have learned to turn my
cheek to and ignore. How should I feel about that? I mean, really, I
wish I could give to every hungry kid, every desperate mother, every
ashamed father. But I cannot, it just is not realistic, is it? It
breaks my heart little by little. Because I know God loves each and
every one of them.
So in that way, it is oppressive being here.
Rich, poor.
Black, white.
Smiles, scowls.
Tears, laughter.
Danger, safety.
Every day I see them all, its like a warm and cold wind hitting me in
the face simultaneously, which is an ironic metaphor considering its
windy here all the time anyhow.
So really I love it and I hate it here. I love the warm. I hate the
cold. I hate the warm. I love the cold. It is all so confusing.
Anyhoo. I am done trying to explain myself in a poetic way. It is not happening.
So I will get on with it.
A day in my life besides all that. I wake up, eat breakfast, and go to
class in the living room of the beautiful house we have been blessed
to live in. We start the day of worshipping or praying together...or
both. Then we learn, about photography, and the culture of South
Africa, about God’s heart for the people of the world.
Then we have lunch and the rest of the day is ours for ministry. This
is all pretty general….there is a lot more to my life…but this is the
easiest way to explain it, because frankly I am jumping at the
opportunity for simplicity right now.
Every Monday evening we have a prayer vigil in the local township
Capricorn. This place is about a 10 minute walk away. Oh I feel
another poetic streak coming on…
It is insane. I walk out my door and see huge (by African standards)
houses everywhere, with large gates and fences, guarded by spikes,
barbed wire, electric fencing. I walk by a high school. I walk by a
park. It all looks pretty normal (minus the security). Then I cross a
main road. I see a cemetery. I walk past it, and I see a shopping
center. A McDonalds. A grocery store, some quaint shops. I walk past
those…and there it is. Endless houses stacked on top of each other.
Tin roofs, trash littered in every gutter. Children in filthy and torn
clothes, shivering against the setting sun. Boys with harsh looks, way
too mature for their age. The danger sends shivers up my spine,
and poverty stings my nostrils. I cannot show this of course. I act
normal, confident. I smile at the children as if this lifestyle is
totally normal. This is the Africa I remember.
I don’t judge them, I love them. I don’t assume they are unhappy or
dangerous, I assume the best of them. It is the things that I have
heard that run through my mind. The prejudices that are still left
over from the Apartheid that only ended a mere 15 years ago.
Its the old white woman that stops me on the way to Capricorn to ask
me if I know where I am going, and that its dangerous. She would never
come within 100 meters of a township. EVER. It just isn’t possible for
her. Because of how she has been raised.
It’s the boy who begs me for
bread. He is so hungry, he tells me. I could just get him a hot
chocolate? he asks.
It’s the young concerned mother who tells me to keep my money tucked
away somewhere safe. That this isn’t America.
It is the tiny child who clutches to me and tells me not the walk home
from Capricorn after dark, it is not safe. Just stay here with him
tonight, keep him warm. Oh how I wish I could.
It is when they ask me for something, anything to make their lives a
little better. I feel helpless. But at the very least I can pray.
Our prayer vigils have been amazing. A chance to meet people in
Capricorn, to pray for them. To open up our arms and raise up prayers
to the God that loves us so much that he would send His only Son to
die for us. That He would pour out His love and mercy in this place.
That His love would spread like the air stirred by a butterfly’s wing,
picking up speed and momentum until everyone in Capricorn could feel
and know His love, and from there all of South African would cry out
His Holy Name.
It has been a blessing to pray for Capricorn.
As far as other ministries. A man named Clinton has lived in South
Africa all his life and is from Capricorn. He lives in Muizenberg now
and is actually dating a girl who was on my DTS. She came here for
outreach instead of Panama with a whole group from my DTS, and so she
and Clinton have continued on Bible studies started during the
outreach phase. There are Bible studies every day of the week, and
many people eager in Capricorn to join in. They have great turn out.
There are so many that want to join in that they need more leaders. My
friend Kristin and I are looking into starting our own Bible study or
some other sort of ministry in Capricorn twice a week. Even if it
doesn’t become official many of us love to go into the township during
the week to meet people and hear their stories, ministering to them
when God prompts us. That at the moment makes the entire experience
worth it. Meeting the people that God loves very much.
There are other ministry opportunites at the highschool and in an
orphanage that I may get involved in. My leader Steve is also looking
into other ways to plug in.
We have been learning about empowering people through our photography. I believe it is valid to believe this is possible. People who are marginalized have a lost a sense of being. The DO life, they exist, but they dont live. Thrive. They have lost purpose. People in Capricorn often ask me to take their photo. I have learned that they want it because when they see their photo, it proves they are a person who is real. They exist, and they are living. All I must do is care for them, love them, tell them that God loves them. This is this ministry track is about. Using our photography to empower people. Show them they have real VALUE. More on this later....
I would appreciate prayer that God would show me what ministries to
get involved in for the rest of my stay here in beautiful Cape Town.
That he would show me where He wants to use me, and that I would be
open to it and I would thrive in His plan and His love.
Thank you for your love, support, prayers.
I am thinking of home and missing it often.
And you too.
<3>
Monday, October 12, 2009
Working on it.
Hey guys! Greetings from South Africa! I am so sorry I am AWFUL about blogging these days (not that i have ever been good at it)
Internet is just stinking expensive and out of my way, and things have been really busy between ministry and school.
Still working on getting involved with more ministry opportunities, and I will update as soon as I can about all of that!
Thank you to everyone who has given to me financially, I am getting closer and closer to having all my funds for the next 3 months!! Praise God!
And of course thank you for continually praying for me as I continue on this spiritual, emotional, and physical journey!
I love and miss you all!!
<3 Cambria
Internet is just stinking expensive and out of my way, and things have been really busy between ministry and school.
Still working on getting involved with more ministry opportunities, and I will update as soon as I can about all of that!
Thank you to everyone who has given to me financially, I am getting closer and closer to having all my funds for the next 3 months!! Praise God!
And of course thank you for continually praying for me as I continue on this spiritual, emotional, and physical journey!
I love and miss you all!!
<3 Cambria
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Internet Cafe.
It is so interesting sitting a little internet cafe in south africa. I am surrounded by people speaking who knows how many languages. The girl to my left, German (not gonna lie, its entertaining trying to understand her, i sorta can!). The girl to my left, english. The dude behind me, Afrikaans.
I love this place. It is so fascinating. It is dangerous, yet I have found comfort. It is beautiful, but there is so much underlying ugliness (traveling apparently has made my english worse). It is rich, but yet SO poor. There are tons of blacks, and tons of whites. There are beautiful smells, and there are awful smells. And on and on.
It is really incredible what this place does to my senses.
Tomorrow I start track officially. I will need all the prayers I can get. I am so excited and so nervous all at the same time. I have already been presented with numerous ministry opportunities I cannot wait for! There is a township nearby (Capricorn) where we will hold bible studies, and mentor young girls. I would love to lead a childrens Bible study too, and teach art. Pray that God uses me in ways I never expected in Capricorn. That he provides a means for us to disciple in new ways.
As of now I have managed to raise 1700 dollars, HOW incredible! Thank you to anyone who is reading who gave! God is good!
And thank you 0f course for all of prayers, it really means the world to me. Every day I wake up encouraged knowing there are people out there thinking of me and holding me up in prayer.
I must go now, im racking up the Rand on this computer.
Will update again soon!
Love,
Cambria
I love this place. It is so fascinating. It is dangerous, yet I have found comfort. It is beautiful, but there is so much underlying ugliness (traveling apparently has made my english worse). It is rich, but yet SO poor. There are tons of blacks, and tons of whites. There are beautiful smells, and there are awful smells. And on and on.
It is really incredible what this place does to my senses.
Tomorrow I start track officially. I will need all the prayers I can get. I am so excited and so nervous all at the same time. I have already been presented with numerous ministry opportunities I cannot wait for! There is a township nearby (Capricorn) where we will hold bible studies, and mentor young girls. I would love to lead a childrens Bible study too, and teach art. Pray that God uses me in ways I never expected in Capricorn. That he provides a means for us to disciple in new ways.
As of now I have managed to raise 1700 dollars, HOW incredible! Thank you to anyone who is reading who gave! God is good!
And thank you 0f course for all of prayers, it really means the world to me. Every day I wake up encouraged knowing there are people out there thinking of me and holding me up in prayer.
I must go now, im racking up the Rand on this computer.
Will update again soon!
Love,
Cambria
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
heres the deal....
I am thankful for my camera....REALLY.
That I have it, and that I have been able to use it to express myself and do what I love...
That God can use it and the skill He has equipped me with to bring Him glory and to capture His love in His beautiful creation.
I am thankful..
That my Dad got me a beautiful new lens for it a few months ago.
For so many things
It works fine, but it doesn't exactly do what I need it to do.
I am trying hard to be thankful and not worry about it and be okay with what I have...
but secretly I am praying
that I could possibly
SOMEHOW
get a new one.
A full frame.
Preferably Nikon...or even Canon.
The thing is that I am very limited by my current camera. Sure it takes photos, and the skill primarily comes from the photographer...but I do feel that I could better express myself on a better quality camera.
Olympus has a lot of problems, like manually focusing, and sharpness. Its enough to drive me mad.
I know I have managed to get good photos with my camera, but the photos I take are never QUITE what i was going for (particularly cuz my camera isnt full frame)
If I have learned one thing from my recent adventure to Panama, its that God cares about the little things (well of course I learned a LOT more about him too) :)
He wants to take care of me.
So I am praying that a new camera will somehow come my way.
That is all,
would you pray for me?
Thank you!
I have this week off and then begin track!!
Thank you for your continuous support and prayers!
Love,
Cambria
That I have it, and that I have been able to use it to express myself and do what I love...
That God can use it and the skill He has equipped me with to bring Him glory and to capture His love in His beautiful creation.
I am thankful..
That my Dad got me a beautiful new lens for it a few months ago.
For so many things
It works fine, but it doesn't exactly do what I need it to do.
I am trying hard to be thankful and not worry about it and be okay with what I have...
but secretly I am praying
that I could possibly
SOMEHOW
get a new one.
A full frame.
Preferably Nikon...or even Canon.
The thing is that I am very limited by my current camera. Sure it takes photos, and the skill primarily comes from the photographer...but I do feel that I could better express myself on a better quality camera.
Olympus has a lot of problems, like manually focusing, and sharpness. Its enough to drive me mad.
I know I have managed to get good photos with my camera, but the photos I take are never QUITE what i was going for (particularly cuz my camera isnt full frame)
If I have learned one thing from my recent adventure to Panama, its that God cares about the little things (well of course I learned a LOT more about him too) :)
He wants to take care of me.
So I am praying that a new camera will somehow come my way.
That is all,
would you pray for me?
Thank you!
I have this week off and then begin track!!
Thank you for your continuous support and prayers!
Love,
Cambria
Thursday, September 10, 2009
South Africa update
Hello everyone!!
How are you?
I'm good, thanks!!
WHERE are you?
South Africa!
What are you doing there?
I'm at a University of the Nations conference this week in Worcester
and then next week I will be at debrief is Paarl.
Debrief?
Yes DTS is wrapping up! Can you believe it?
No! I hardly can!
Yep! Then I start track mid September! I will be living in Muizenberg, SA until December
Neat!
I know, right? I cannot wait to see how God uses my track team here in Africa!! Please continue to pray for my team and I!
Okay, I'm done having a conversation with myself.
For all your information, I got to South Africa safely on saturday.
Our team was exhausted after about 48 hours of traveling and we headed to the
hostel where team South Africa was staying. We bunked down for the next two nights
and the headed to Worcester for the U of N conference monday.
The conference is made of people from all over the world that are part of YWAM. There are 50 nations represented here in SA, and we are video conferencing with locations in Kiev, Ukraine, Cairo, Egypt, and somewhere in Switzerland!
It is really cool!
God is very alive in this place in this time!
Unfortunately I am still jet-lagging really bad (the worst of my life)
and I am having a hard time focusing during the "workshops."
But otherwise I feel I have gotten some good things out of them thus far.
On sunday we will depart and head to Paarl for debrief.
Internet is scarce, I will try to update as often as I can to let you all know where I am at.
With the help of my wonderful father I have sent out a newsletter!
It was mailed out yesterday, so you should all be getting in the mail very soon!
If you arent on my mailing list and would like to be let me know!!
Please keep me in your prayers. I need finances by the end of the month, that is the biggest prayer request.
Also pray I will get over this gnarly jet lag and be able to focus on what God wants to teach me in this time.
Thank you!!
Love, Cambria
P.S. I LOVE SOUTH AFRICA.
How are you?
I'm good, thanks!!
WHERE are you?
South Africa!
What are you doing there?
I'm at a University of the Nations conference this week in Worcester
and then next week I will be at debrief is Paarl.
Debrief?
Yes DTS is wrapping up! Can you believe it?
No! I hardly can!
Yep! Then I start track mid September! I will be living in Muizenberg, SA until December
Neat!
I know, right? I cannot wait to see how God uses my track team here in Africa!! Please continue to pray for my team and I!
Okay, I'm done having a conversation with myself.
For all your information, I got to South Africa safely on saturday.
Our team was exhausted after about 48 hours of traveling and we headed to the
hostel where team South Africa was staying. We bunked down for the next two nights
and the headed to Worcester for the U of N conference monday.
The conference is made of people from all over the world that are part of YWAM. There are 50 nations represented here in SA, and we are video conferencing with locations in Kiev, Ukraine, Cairo, Egypt, and somewhere in Switzerland!
It is really cool!
God is very alive in this place in this time!
Unfortunately I am still jet-lagging really bad (the worst of my life)
and I am having a hard time focusing during the "workshops."
But otherwise I feel I have gotten some good things out of them thus far.
On sunday we will depart and head to Paarl for debrief.
Internet is scarce, I will try to update as often as I can to let you all know where I am at.
With the help of my wonderful father I have sent out a newsletter!
It was mailed out yesterday, so you should all be getting in the mail very soon!
If you arent on my mailing list and would like to be let me know!!
Please keep me in your prayers. I need finances by the end of the month, that is the biggest prayer request.
Also pray I will get over this gnarly jet lag and be able to focus on what God wants to teach me in this time.
Thank you!!
Love, Cambria
P.S. I LOVE SOUTH AFRICA.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The Orphans.
It all comes down to them...
My whole time here in Panama.
I've been asked what has been the best part of being in Panama.
Or the worst.
All of it has to do with them. The children.
Maybe I had a more spiritual encounter in the Ngobe, or it was the hardest thing...
but really..
All of my efforts have come down to the orphans.
Yesterday we went and said goodbye to the kids that we spent the most time with.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I mean like....emotionally.
I dont think it has even really hit me yet.
It wasnt necessarily just the fact I had to part with these beautiful kids for a long time...probably forever...
It was the symbol of that action that got me.
We care for these kids so much and they dont even know it. I wish they could.
I think what really bothers is me is the hope we may have given these kids.
We visited enough to where they remembered us...
And then we left.
Yeah we are doing things to help the bigger picture, but it doesnt feel like it at the moment.
I really REALLY pray this book does some good.
That is gets approved.
That the government funds it...that God uses it to speak to hearts....and people start caring about the orphans.
Please Lord
There were a few things that struck me yesterday at the orphanage.
One, there was a girl who seemed to be American that came and they all were very excited and she played with them. It was like she comes a lot, which excites me. I pray that more people like this come into the lives of the orphans...consistent people...to care.
Two, I went into the baby room. There was a little girl sitting on the floor, probably six months old. I found out she is the sister of three of the other kids we spent a lot of time. All four of them were abandoned by their prostitute mother. These children are particularly beautiful. I cant imagine how someone could just give them up.
When I went over to this beautiful little girl, she smiled really big. I scooped her into my arms and she clasped onto me, obviously taking comfort in the arms of a mother-like figure. It broke my heart. She was so adorable. She doesnt get the attention she deserves. I had to put her back into her crib because we were leaving. Prying those tiny hands off of me and putting her into that lonely crib with no toys or blankets or anything...just a white sheet...it killed me. I mean dread filled my body, I wanted to collapse and cry. I am tearing up writing this right now.
I just wanted to stay and love these children...
Some of the other babies showed symptoms of institutionalization that we had been told about. They didn't respond to physical touch, or the sound of our voices. Their heads had actually become flat and bald on the back from laying all day without being picked up. These babies learn at an early age that crying isnt something that gets attention. Its weird being a room of babies for a long time without hearing one cry.
Its nothing against the "tia's" or care moms...they do all they can, its just too much to handle...all of these children.
This particular orphanage doesnt appear to have abuse going on, but there are many that do.
Another thing that struck me, I was leaving and there was one baby in his crib standing up looking at me. I couldnt help but go say hi to him. I walked over and leaned over the edge to give him a little kiss, and he was immediately taken by that thing dangling from my neck. What baby doesnt take interest in necklaces, right? It was at this moment I thought about how this little beautiful child is like any other baby. So innocent, so fragile, so impressionable, so eager to learn. The only difference is the lack of a parent. And because of this he will not grow up and act like a well loved child acts. This cute perfect baby will not be loved like he needs and so he will act out when he grows up. Its a proven fact. Unless someone can give him the attention and care he needs.
I went back downstairs to say goodbye to all the other little children. The 2-5 year olds. The did not want us to go. One little girl, clung to me and literally would not let go. I had to tickle her to make her let go of my neck. None of us speak spanish so we couldnt explain to the children that we were leaving for good, but that we loved them and we didnt want to go. So all I could say was "Te amamo." which means "we love you."
Walking away from the orphanage my stomach turned flips and I felt like I was going to lose my lunch. How could I just be walking away from these kids forever?
But how can i possibly love and care for all the orphans in this world? How can I really change things?
Dear orphans of Panama. I love you.
On the way home I was sitting across the aisle in the bus from a mother, napping, holding her daughter on her lap who was also napping. The girl must have been 2 years old. Her mom was cradling her, and every once in a while the girls head would roll back and her mom would wake up and readjust for her daughter. It kept happening, and it was kinda humorous. Then the bus stopped and another mother lead her little boy to the front of the bus, paid, and then picked him up and went out of the bus and on her way.
These are both silly instances, but all at once the emotion hit me. It is little things like this, sleeping in your mothers lap, holding her hand, being held by her...having that attention and care all to yourself. She is yours. Your own Mom.
Now more than ever I pray that God will use this publication to reach people. I pray that people will have a heart for these children and that they will actually adopt children without shame. I pray that this cycle of institutionalization ends. I pray that scuzzy uncles will not be the ones to recieve the kids, but loving families. I pray that the government would NOT settle for these half-hearted family members. That the number of orphans will decrease and diminish. That people will learn what it really means to be a parent. The impact it has on their kids when they abandon them. That every child has purpose, meaning, value. They are loved by God.
All I can hope in is this book. That it does what we...what God purposed for it to do from the moment it was thought up. That through it some of these kids will get the home they deserve from a family who were struck by the reality of the value of these children. That's what this book explains. Their value.
This is the only thing I can hold to in this time as I grieve leaving Panama.
I did all I can do.
I am so thankful for Matt and Misty who have devoted their lives to the orphans of Panama. It is my prayer God will bring more people alongside them to help them. They cant do it alone. We have given this book over to them to help, but they need people to be with the kids in the meantime....as they wait to be adopted....
For me....
I must address other injustices. If God calls me back here at the end of track...then awesome. For now I know I must go see the other things on God's heart...
AHH it all just kills me.
I dont want to leave.
And then last night I was going to bed and the couple with the two year old sleep a door away from me and I could hear him crying. I thought about what this child cries about vs. what the other kids cry about. It overwhelmed me and led me into a restless night of sleep.
So i sit here and write this just overwhelmed with thoughts. Obviously. I just needed to get my feelings out.
<3
:)
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Cambria
My whole time here in Panama.
I've been asked what has been the best part of being in Panama.
Or the worst.
All of it has to do with them. The children.
Maybe I had a more spiritual encounter in the Ngobe, or it was the hardest thing...
but really..
All of my efforts have come down to the orphans.
Yesterday we went and said goodbye to the kids that we spent the most time with.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I mean like....emotionally.
I dont think it has even really hit me yet.
It wasnt necessarily just the fact I had to part with these beautiful kids for a long time...probably forever...
It was the symbol of that action that got me.
We care for these kids so much and they dont even know it. I wish they could.
I think what really bothers is me is the hope we may have given these kids.
We visited enough to where they remembered us...
And then we left.
Yeah we are doing things to help the bigger picture, but it doesnt feel like it at the moment.
I really REALLY pray this book does some good.
That is gets approved.
That the government funds it...that God uses it to speak to hearts....and people start caring about the orphans.
Please Lord
There were a few things that struck me yesterday at the orphanage.
One, there was a girl who seemed to be American that came and they all were very excited and she played with them. It was like she comes a lot, which excites me. I pray that more people like this come into the lives of the orphans...consistent people...to care.
Two, I went into the baby room. There was a little girl sitting on the floor, probably six months old. I found out she is the sister of three of the other kids we spent a lot of time. All four of them were abandoned by their prostitute mother. These children are particularly beautiful. I cant imagine how someone could just give them up.
When I went over to this beautiful little girl, she smiled really big. I scooped her into my arms and she clasped onto me, obviously taking comfort in the arms of a mother-like figure. It broke my heart. She was so adorable. She doesnt get the attention she deserves. I had to put her back into her crib because we were leaving. Prying those tiny hands off of me and putting her into that lonely crib with no toys or blankets or anything...just a white sheet...it killed me. I mean dread filled my body, I wanted to collapse and cry. I am tearing up writing this right now.
I just wanted to stay and love these children...
Some of the other babies showed symptoms of institutionalization that we had been told about. They didn't respond to physical touch, or the sound of our voices. Their heads had actually become flat and bald on the back from laying all day without being picked up. These babies learn at an early age that crying isnt something that gets attention. Its weird being a room of babies for a long time without hearing one cry.
Its nothing against the "tia's" or care moms...they do all they can, its just too much to handle...all of these children.
This particular orphanage doesnt appear to have abuse going on, but there are many that do.
Another thing that struck me, I was leaving and there was one baby in his crib standing up looking at me. I couldnt help but go say hi to him. I walked over and leaned over the edge to give him a little kiss, and he was immediately taken by that thing dangling from my neck. What baby doesnt take interest in necklaces, right? It was at this moment I thought about how this little beautiful child is like any other baby. So innocent, so fragile, so impressionable, so eager to learn. The only difference is the lack of a parent. And because of this he will not grow up and act like a well loved child acts. This cute perfect baby will not be loved like he needs and so he will act out when he grows up. Its a proven fact. Unless someone can give him the attention and care he needs.
I went back downstairs to say goodbye to all the other little children. The 2-5 year olds. The did not want us to go. One little girl, clung to me and literally would not let go. I had to tickle her to make her let go of my neck. None of us speak spanish so we couldnt explain to the children that we were leaving for good, but that we loved them and we didnt want to go. So all I could say was "Te amamo." which means "we love you."
Walking away from the orphanage my stomach turned flips and I felt like I was going to lose my lunch. How could I just be walking away from these kids forever?
But how can i possibly love and care for all the orphans in this world? How can I really change things?
Dear orphans of Panama. I love you.
On the way home I was sitting across the aisle in the bus from a mother, napping, holding her daughter on her lap who was also napping. The girl must have been 2 years old. Her mom was cradling her, and every once in a while the girls head would roll back and her mom would wake up and readjust for her daughter. It kept happening, and it was kinda humorous. Then the bus stopped and another mother lead her little boy to the front of the bus, paid, and then picked him up and went out of the bus and on her way.
These are both silly instances, but all at once the emotion hit me. It is little things like this, sleeping in your mothers lap, holding her hand, being held by her...having that attention and care all to yourself. She is yours. Your own Mom.
Now more than ever I pray that God will use this publication to reach people. I pray that people will have a heart for these children and that they will actually adopt children without shame. I pray that this cycle of institutionalization ends. I pray that scuzzy uncles will not be the ones to recieve the kids, but loving families. I pray that the government would NOT settle for these half-hearted family members. That the number of orphans will decrease and diminish. That people will learn what it really means to be a parent. The impact it has on their kids when they abandon them. That every child has purpose, meaning, value. They are loved by God.
All I can hope in is this book. That it does what we...what God purposed for it to do from the moment it was thought up. That through it some of these kids will get the home they deserve from a family who were struck by the reality of the value of these children. That's what this book explains. Their value.
This is the only thing I can hold to in this time as I grieve leaving Panama.
I did all I can do.
I am so thankful for Matt and Misty who have devoted their lives to the orphans of Panama. It is my prayer God will bring more people alongside them to help them. They cant do it alone. We have given this book over to them to help, but they need people to be with the kids in the meantime....as they wait to be adopted....
For me....
I must address other injustices. If God calls me back here at the end of track...then awesome. For now I know I must go see the other things on God's heart...
AHH it all just kills me.
I dont want to leave.
And then last night I was going to bed and the couple with the two year old sleep a door away from me and I could hear him crying. I thought about what this child cries about vs. what the other kids cry about. It overwhelmed me and led me into a restless night of sleep.
So i sit here and write this just overwhelmed with thoughts. Obviously. I just needed to get my feelings out.
<3
:)
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Cambria
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