Internet Cafe.

It is so interesting sitting a little internet cafe in south africa. I am surrounded by people speaking who knows how many languages. The girl to my left, German (not gonna lie, its entertaining trying to understand her, i sorta can!). The girl to my left, english. The dude behind me, Afrikaans.

I love this place. It is so fascinating. It is dangerous, yet I have found comfort. It is beautiful, but there is so much underlying ugliness (traveling apparently has made my english worse). It is rich, but yet SO poor. There are tons of blacks, and tons of whites. There are beautiful smells, and there are awful smells. And on and on.

It is really incredible what this place does to my senses.

Tomorrow I start track officially. I will need all the prayers I can get. I am so excited and so nervous all at the same time. I have already been presented with numerous ministry opportunities I cannot wait for! There is a township nearby (Capricorn) where we will hold bible studies, and mentor young girls. I would love to lead a childrens Bible study too, and teach art. Pray that God uses me in ways I never expected in Capricorn. That he provides a means for us to disciple in new ways.

As of now I have managed to raise 1700 dollars, HOW incredible! Thank you to anyone who is reading who gave! God is good!

And thank you 0f course for all of prayers, it really means the world to me. Every day I wake up encouraged knowing there are people out there thinking of me and holding me up in prayer.

I must go now, im racking up the Rand on this computer.
Will update again soon!

Love,
Cambria

heres the deal....

I am thankful for my camera....REALLY.
That I have it, and that I have been able to use it to express myself and do what I love...
That God can use it and the skill He has equipped me with to bring Him glory and to capture His love in His beautiful creation.
I am thankful..
That my Dad got me a beautiful new lens for it a few months ago.

For so many things

It works fine, but it doesn't exactly do what I need it to do.

I am trying hard to be thankful and not worry about it and be okay with what I have...

but secretly I am praying

that I could possibly

SOMEHOW

get a new one.

A full frame.
Preferably Nikon...or even Canon.

The thing is that I am very limited by my current camera. Sure it takes photos, and the skill primarily comes from the photographer...but I do feel that I could better express myself on a better quality camera.
Olympus has a lot of problems, like manually focusing, and sharpness. Its enough to drive me mad.
I know I have managed to get good photos with my camera, but the photos I take are never QUITE what i was going for (particularly cuz my camera isnt full frame)

If I have learned one thing from my recent adventure to Panama, its that God cares about the little things (well of course I learned a LOT more about him too) :)
He wants to take care of me.
So I am praying that a new camera will somehow come my way.

That is all,
would you pray for me?
Thank you!

I have this week off and then begin track!!
Thank you for your continuous support and prayers!

Love,
Cambria

South Africa update

Hello everyone!!
How are you?
I'm good, thanks!!
WHERE are you?
South Africa!
What are you doing there?
I'm at a University of the Nations conference this week in Worcester
and then next week I will be at debrief is Paarl.
Debrief?
Yes DTS is wrapping up! Can you believe it?
No! I hardly can!
Yep! Then I start track mid September! I will be living in Muizenberg, SA until December
Neat!
I know, right? I cannot wait to see how God uses my track team here in Africa!! Please continue to pray for my team and I!


Okay, I'm done having a conversation with myself.
For all your information, I got to South Africa safely on saturday.
Our team was exhausted after about 48 hours of traveling and we headed to the
hostel where team South Africa was staying. We bunked down for the next two nights
and the headed to Worcester for the U of N conference monday.
The conference is made of people from all over the world that are part of YWAM. There are 50 nations represented here in SA, and we are video conferencing with locations in Kiev, Ukraine, Cairo, Egypt, and somewhere in Switzerland!
It is really cool!
God is very alive in this place in this time!
Unfortunately I am still jet-lagging really bad (the worst of my life)
and I am having a hard time focusing during the "workshops."
But otherwise I feel I have gotten some good things out of them thus far.
On sunday we will depart and head to Paarl for debrief.

Internet is scarce, I will try to update as often as I can to let you all know where I am at.
With the help of my wonderful father I have sent out a newsletter!
It was mailed out yesterday, so you should all be getting in the mail very soon!
If you arent on my mailing list and would like to be let me know!!

Please keep me in your prayers. I need finances by the end of the month, that is the biggest prayer request.
Also pray I will get over this gnarly jet lag and be able to focus on what God wants to teach me in this time.

Thank you!!

Love, Cambria

P.S. I LOVE SOUTH AFRICA.

The Orphans.

It all comes down to them...

My whole time here in Panama.

I've been asked what has been the best part of being in Panama.
Or the worst.

All of it has to do with them. The children.

Maybe I had a more spiritual encounter in the Ngobe, or it was the hardest thing...
but really..

All of my efforts have come down to the orphans.

Yesterday we went and said goodbye to the kids that we spent the most time with.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I mean like....emotionally.

I dont think it has even really hit me yet.

It wasnt necessarily just the fact I had to part with these beautiful kids for a long time...probably forever...
It was the symbol of that action that got me.
We care for these kids so much and they dont even know it. I wish they could.

I think what really bothers is me is the hope we may have given these kids.
We visited enough to where they remembered us...
And then we left.

Yeah we are doing things to help the bigger picture, but it doesnt feel like it at the moment.
I really REALLY pray this book does some good.
That is gets approved.
That the government funds it...that God uses it to speak to hearts....and people start caring about the orphans.

Please Lord

There were a few things that struck me yesterday at the orphanage.

One, there was a girl who seemed to be American that came and they all were very excited and she played with them. It was like she comes a lot, which excites me. I pray that more people like this come into the lives of the orphans...consistent people...to care.

Two, I went into the baby room. There was a little girl sitting on the floor, probably six months old. I found out she is the sister of three of the other kids we spent a lot of time. All four of them were abandoned by their prostitute mother. These children are particularly beautiful. I cant imagine how someone could just give them up.

When I went over to this beautiful little girl, she smiled really big. I scooped her into my arms and she clasped onto me, obviously taking comfort in the arms of a mother-like figure. It broke my heart. She was so adorable. She doesnt get the attention she deserves. I had to put her back into her crib because we were leaving. Prying those tiny hands off of me and putting her into that lonely crib with no toys or blankets or anything...just a white sheet...it killed me. I mean dread filled my body, I wanted to collapse and cry. I am tearing up writing this right now.

I just wanted to stay and love these children...
Some of the other babies showed symptoms of institutionalization that we had been told about. They didn't respond to physical touch, or the sound of our voices. Their heads had actually become flat and bald on the back from laying all day without being picked up. These babies learn at an early age that crying isnt something that gets attention. Its weird being a room of babies for a long time without hearing one cry.

Its nothing against the "tia's" or care moms...they do all they can, its just too much to handle...all of these children.

This particular orphanage doesnt appear to have abuse going on, but there are many that do.

Another thing that struck me, I was leaving and there was one baby in his crib standing up looking at me. I couldnt help but go say hi to him. I walked over and leaned over the edge to give him a little kiss, and he was immediately taken by that thing dangling from my neck. What baby doesnt take interest in necklaces, right? It was at this moment I thought about how this little beautiful child is like any other baby. So innocent, so fragile, so impressionable, so eager to learn. The only difference is the lack of a parent. And because of this he will not grow up and act like a well loved child acts. This cute perfect baby will not be loved like he needs and so he will act out when he grows up. Its a proven fact. Unless someone can give him the attention and care he needs.

I went back downstairs to say goodbye to all the other little children. The 2-5 year olds. The did not want us to go. One little girl, clung to me and literally would not let go. I had to tickle her to make her let go of my neck. None of us speak spanish so we couldnt explain to the children that we were leaving for good, but that we loved them and we didnt want to go. So all I could say was "Te amamo." which means "we love you."

Walking away from the orphanage my stomach turned flips and I felt like I was going to lose my lunch. How could I just be walking away from these kids forever?
But how can i possibly love and care for all the orphans in this world? How can I really change things?

Dear orphans of Panama. I love you.

On the way home I was sitting across the aisle in the bus from a mother, napping, holding her daughter on her lap who was also napping. The girl must have been 2 years old. Her mom was cradling her, and every once in a while the girls head would roll back and her mom would wake up and readjust for her daughter. It kept happening, and it was kinda humorous. Then the bus stopped and another mother lead her little boy to the front of the bus, paid, and then picked him up and went out of the bus and on her way.

These are both silly instances, but all at once the emotion hit me. It is little things like this, sleeping in your mothers lap, holding her hand, being held by her...having that attention and care all to yourself. She is yours. Your own Mom.

Now more than ever I pray that God will use this publication to reach people. I pray that people will have a heart for these children and that they will actually adopt children without shame. I pray that this cycle of institutionalization ends. I pray that scuzzy uncles will not be the ones to recieve the kids, but loving families. I pray that the government would NOT settle for these half-hearted family members. That the number of orphans will decrease and diminish. That people will learn what it really means to be a parent. The impact it has on their kids when they abandon them. That every child has purpose, meaning, value. They are loved by God.

All I can hope in is this book. That it does what we...what God purposed for it to do from the moment it was thought up. That through it some of these kids will get the home they deserve from a family who were struck by the reality of the value of these children. That's what this book explains. Their value.
This is the only thing I can hold to in this time as I grieve leaving Panama.
I did all I can do.
I am so thankful for Matt and Misty who have devoted their lives to the orphans of Panama. It is my prayer God will bring more people alongside them to help them. They cant do it alone. We have given this book over to them to help, but they need people to be with the kids in the meantime....as they wait to be adopted....
For me....
I must address other injustices. If God calls me back here at the end of track...then awesome. For now I know I must go see the other things on God's heart...

AHH it all just kills me.
I dont want to leave.

And then last night I was going to bed and the couple with the two year old sleep a door away from me and I could hear him crying. I thought about what this child cries about vs. what the other kids cry about. It overwhelmed me and led me into a restless night of sleep.

So i sit here and write this just overwhelmed with thoughts. Obviously. I just needed to get my feelings out.
<3
:)
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Cambria